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Lucifer Avatar

Mythical Studio Member


August 2005
I'm not happy with me. Really, I'm not. If someone asked, "Are you happy with the way you are right now, with your life," I would immediately answer, "No." Not because I'm insecure. Far from it. I don't hate my life. I love it. But am I happy with my life, with myself? No. And I probably never will be. This doesn't stem from some pessimistic world view or lack of self-worth. It's merely an understanding of who I am and where I rank in the world. Let me explain.

I am not the strongest person, or the fastest, or the smartest, or richest, or most handsome. I don't have the fastest car, or the nicest house, or the hottest girlfriend, or the biggest dick. I have no degrees and I'm not a decorated war hero. There is absolutely nothing in my life where I am the best or most accomplished. And if that is the case, then there is room for improvement. So long as there is room for improvement, I can never be happy with where I'm at in any of my pursuits. I think a lot of people have a similar feeling about themselves, but here's where it's different for me.

This "unhappiness" with my life, my lack of satisfaction, that's what drives me. That's what propels me forward. If you constantly compare yourself to others, you will always meet disappointment. In that, you must look within yourself for what you're worth, but the moment you accept yourself and tell yourself that change isn't necessary because of some bullshit feel-goods about how everyone is perfect, you have failed. You have failed yourself and, by extension, everyone you know. There is no "settling" for what we are. I will never settle for what I am. Every single day is another opportunity to better myself. Every challenge is another chance to accomplish something. With every adversity, obstacle, and pitfall along the way, I have another opportunity to improve myself. To prove my worth and shatter expectations. While I may not be "happy" with myself, I take pride in everything I've accomplished. I walk with my head held high knowing that everything I am today is the result of my hard work, even if it's not the finished product. Every failure of my past is no failure, but a tool in my arsenal for tackling the future. I may not be happy with myself, but that's because I have goals set for the future that by their very nature cannot be achieved today. So, today, I am not happy with me. When the day comes and I reach all the goals I have set for myself right now, I will undoubtedly have accumulated new ones. I'll have more reasons to disbelieve I'm okay the way I am, and more reasons to look towards the future. I walk towards the future with glee and anticipation of all the challenges that lie before me because I know I'll overcome them and will be better as a result. I'll be one step closer towards being who I want to be.

Of course, every day that person gets farther away. My expectations and standards are always rising, perpetually screwing myself out of ever conceiving a tangible end goal. But that's life, isn't it? One day you will die, and you'll be judged only by your legacy. If this is the only time we have on Earth, why would you want to throw in the towel early when you could have spent that time becoming better, learning to love yourself even more? This life we have is limited, and what we are able to accomplish in this life is just a race against time. And I, for one, will not be overtaken until time is choking and sweating and wheezing and tripping over himself just to catch up with me.


Aaron Avatar

Senior Member


November 2005
We're all gonna fuckin' make it brah.

Read it all. Last paragraph is deep as fuarrkkk!