I just had a phone call from a high-level academic asking why his screen was so white, bright, and blurry, and if there was any way he could increase the amount of ink it used.

I directed him to his monitor's brightness and contrast controls.

* Him: "Brightness and contrast controls? What do they do?"

As a friend of mine has just commented, "Funny. There's a brightness dial on the monitor, but the users don't get any smarter."

* Customer: "I would like to place an order."
* Tech Support: "Unfortunately, we are unable to take orders over the phone. All orders must be placed on our web site."
* Customer: "Web site?"
* Tech Support: "You need access to a computer that's connected to the Internet in order to visit our Internet site and place an order."
* Customer: "Where is the computer?"
* Tech Support: "..."

# Customer: "Hi. I was using Word, and my PC says it's lost its network connection."
# Tech Support: "Ok, can you read me the error message?"
# Customer: "Er...error message? Where's that?"
# Tech Support: "It should be on your screen."
# Customer: "Er..."
# Tech Support: "Ok, can you just tell me what's on your screen?"